Refinement

During this period from the time of death until the funeral, the mourner is occupied only with the arrangements for the funeral and so up to the time of the funeral the mourner is exempt from Mitzvot Asseh and mourning customs.

Customs and Halachot during the refinement period:

Prohibition on eating meat
Prohibition of drinking alcoholן
Avoiding delay of the burial of the deceased unless it is in the interest of the deceased or the mourners: for example, waiting for a relative that has to arrive from overseas.

Shivah

At the end of the funeral and the burial of the deceased, the mourners begin the Shivah period. A week in which relatives and friends of the deceased or the mourners come to comfort and strengthen the mourners.

Customs and Halachot during the Shivah:

Times of the Shivah: the first day of the Shivah is the day of the funeral (as long as it takes place before sunset). The last day of the Shivah is on the seventh day at the time of going to the grave (during the morning). If the funeral took place on Sunday, the Shivah ends at the end of the Shabbat (Motzaei Shabbat – even if going to the grave is on Sunday).

It is customary that all the mourners sit Shivah together in the home of the deceased, but each mourner can sit in his own home. At the same time, it is allowed to go home at the end of each day in order to sleep at home.

As the mourners return from the cemetery, they are served with a recovery meal served to them by relatives or neighbors. The meal has to be eaten by the mourners and also by those who made the meal.

The mourners are allowed to perform their daily household chores: cooking, cleaning etc.’, but it is customary that their relatives and comforters help them.

It is forbidden to go to work, to wear leather shoes, to do laundry and iron, to have intercourse, to learn Torah or be called up to the Torah, to ask how other people are doing, to eat a new fruit, and it is forbidden to buy or use a new object.

It is forbidden to have a shower (for pleasure, allowed for hygienic purposes), to have a haircut or shave. It is customary not to wear any makeup.

It is customary to sit on the floor or to sit on a low chair and to avoid the Shehecheyanu blessing.

It is forbidden to wear new clothes and it is also customary for the mourner to wear the garment in which the tearing was performed throughout the shivah.

The thirty days mourning customs

At the end of the Shivah mourning, the secondary mourning period begins, and carries on up to the thirtieth day from the funeral.

Customs and Halachot during the Shloshim (30 days)

It is forbidden to shave or have a haircut

It is forbidden to participate in happy events (Simchas)

It is forbidden to buy new objects

A mourner that has set his wedding date before the relative passed away, and is supposed to be married during the Shloshim (the 30 days) performs his wedding.

On the 30th day after the funeral, you ascend to the grave and have a memorial ceremony.

The mourning of the Year

In the case of mourning of a mother or father, the mourning does not end after 30 days, but carries on for a whole year from the burial day.

Customs and Halachot during the year:

The morning of the year carries on for 12 months only, even in a leap year.

It is customary not to participate in a happy occasion (Simcha), to go on trips for pleasure, only for rest purposes and it is customary not to shop for luxuries.

A mourner that has set his wedding date before the relative passed away, and is supposed to be married during this period performs his wedding. Moreover, parents and siblings are allowed to participate in the wedding but refrain from dancing and other expressions of joy.